Everybody have his or her own dream mate. For years,
I have an ideal dream guy. I want to fall in love with guy who is athletic, surfer,
kids lover, and the list goes on. Instead,
I fell hard for a guy who is opposite of my dream guy. I remember how I find him with a short
beard so attractive. He always makes me feel good as a person. It took me a
while to realize and accept that I have intense feelings for him. Finally, I understand
that love suppose to be happening in a natural way.
With my strong feelings for him… My life changed forever.
Because of HIM… My perspective of love changed. My feelings for him were very
powerful and unique. I never have these feelings with other guys. Ever. It was
scary and exciting experience for me.
For months and months, I kept these feelings to myself.
Finally, one day, I told him how I feel about him. Unfortunately, he is not on
the same page as I do. I was heart broken. He said that he is not ready to commit a relationship with anyone. Maybe I
am not his type, or we do not share the same values, or he thinks I am too good
for him. It is something I will never understand him.
Even thought he doesn’t want me. I am forever graceful that
he taught me a lot about life. He is quietly gorgeous but I always catch his
geeky moments. He is not afraid to show who he is. He is always fun and knows
just how to get me laughing at any moment. I love how he takes his life and
goals seriously.
This picture always makes me smile. I remember the week I
became really sick. He was concerned about me. One day, he bought and brought
me a hot tea with honey to work. Despite the fact I was really sick… his surprise
put a smile on my face.
Now, I have a new fear. What if I will never find a love of
my life who makes me feel good as he did?
2 comments:
it's amazing how a simple question with the words "what if?" is powerful and strong. So strong that it consumes our heads and makes our hearts weary.
I don't think fate is cruel to people like you. Each experience that turns out wrong is an experience by itself. You know that we all evolve and grow everyday. The person that you are today is different than who you were a year ago and who you will be next year. Because you are changing, your love and what you want/need may be different. Because of this, I believe you will find love one day and it may be the same or even better than this one you have now.
but its hard to believe that now. I get that. but always believe that you are deserving of that kind of love. even though it's unreachable to you now. but you deserve it and you will get it some day, if not now. :)
ily xoxo
OMG... I never notice this comment until now!!! I didn't realize that you are still following my blog!
Anyway... Everything what you said... are very true. I know that I will find my love of life someday. Waiting part is the worst part!
ILY xoxo
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