waiting for you

I don't want a perfect relationship. I just want someone who I can act silly with, someone who treats me well and loves being with me.

a hot tea with honey

Everybody have his or her own dream mate. For years, I have an ideal dream guy. I want to fall in love with guy who is athletic, surfer, kids lover, and the list goes on.  Instead, I fell hard for a guy who is opposite of my dream guy. I remember how I find him with a short beard so attractive. He always makes me feel good as a person. It took me a while to realize and accept that I have intense feelings for him. Finally, I understand that love suppose to be happening in a natural way.

With my strong feelings for him… My life changed forever. Because of HIM… My perspective of love changed. My feelings for him were very powerful and unique. I never have these feelings with other guys. Ever. It was scary and exciting experience for me.

For months and months, I kept these feelings to myself. Finally, one day, I told him how I feel about him. Unfortunately, he is not on the same page as I do. I was heart broken. He said that he is not ready to commit a relationship with anyone. Maybe I am not his type, or we do not share the same values, or he thinks I am too good for him. It is something I will never understand him.

Even thought he doesn’t want me. I am forever graceful that he taught me a lot about life. He is quietly gorgeous but I always catch his geeky moments. He is not afraid to show who he is. He is always fun and knows just how to get me laughing at any moment. I love how he takes his life and goals seriously.

This picture always makes me smile. I remember the week I became really sick. He was concerned about me. One day, he bought and brought me a hot tea with honey to work. Despite the fact I was really sick… his surprise put a smile on my face.

Now, I have a new fear. What if I will never find a love of my life who makes me feel good as he did?

the five love languages

Have you read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? I haven’t finish reading this book yet. So far, I think it is a good book. Please understand it is NOT all about romantic or it is for couples only. The five love languages are also relevant to platonic relationships such as family, friends, or coworkers. Please remember this.

The five love languages are: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Quality time is what matters me the most. I enjoy my time with my friends, family, and coworkers when it comes to traveling, go out for dinner, going to different places, and even spending our time at my home.

Last September, I was under stressed that I really want to be with my friends for the day. A friend of mine decided to drop the plan with me and other friend. My quality time with them blew out. I learned my lesson that I need to stop have a high expectation from my friends when it come to quality time. Last Christmas, I enjoyed being with my friend. It was nice because I wasn’t alone. Funny, he felt bad that we didn’t do much that day. As for me, I don’t care… as long I am having a quality time with someone on Christmas day. That’s what matters me the most. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be hurtful for me.

Let me share one of my favorite quotes from book: “Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese form English. No matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your suppose understand only Chinese, you will never understand how to love each other.”

What’s your love language? You can take a quiz online to find out! The website have the five languages of apology and the five languages of appreciation, too. Very interesting? :-)

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

oh lala

I am reading my old journal and I found one entry:

June 19, 2000: “Last week… Brooke, Priya, Robert, and Byron visited me. I was so excited to see him. He looks cute with his dyed hair- BLUE!!! Oh lala. He seems shy but I like his personality. We talked on TTY almost everyday. When Byron had to leave, I gave him a big hug and a kiss on his cheek. Two days later, he visited me again with Robert and Brooke. I think I fell in love with Byron. Right now he is at Disneyland. I miss him and talking with him. I hope he is thinking about me and will buy me something. I hope someday I will kiss him for the first time”

This entry made me laugh. At 15 years old, I thought I knew what is love is all about. Oh boy, I was wrong. It is always fun to watch myself grow.