my learning disability

November 2008

“I started to realize that I had a hard time to spell when I was in Junior High School. My interpreter once told me that I took a learning disability test to find out whether I have one but I never finished it. As I entered at California School for the Deaf, Fremont, I noticed that my spelling had become worsen, but I always found a way to get away from it. As an undergraduate student, I started to realize I couldn’t get away from it, so I had to work harder to pull up my school grades. Some people and teachers believed that I have dyslexia. In my senior year, I realized that I needed to find out what was wrong with me. Recently, last summer I took the exam to check if I actually have it. I was diagnosed Learning Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. Even though, I knew there was something wrong with me but the results hit me hard. I lost my confidence a little bit and I wasn’t happy about this. I was disappointed that a guy, who gave me the exam was not sure what kind of specific learning disability I have and I would still need to take more exams to find out. I actually don’t like the fact that I would have to ask people for help. I always become nervous every time I ask someone to help me spell the word out or correct my paper. Today, I still struggle with my learning disability. I think I’m still struggling because I feel uncomfortable to ask people for some help when I need. There are some times where I feel I wouldn’t become successful because of my learning disability. I will definitely need to be more optimistic to be successful in future but I will need to learn how to find resources for help.”

I always have a hard time to write an entry in my journal and/or update my blog. Sometime I shut myself out and didn’t finish an entry. Sometime I find myself become jealous of some people because they could write very beautiful. I just want to be like them. I know that I think very beautiful like them but I cannot express them into beautiful words.

It has been three years since I was diagnosed as Learning Disorder NOS. I still haven’t 100% accept this yet. I hope I will someday. I never took more tests to find out what kind of learning disability I have. I know my grammar structure is not perfect too so I believe I have writing disorder or dyslexia. I believe that growing with lack of deaf education also affected me. I am very thankful that I am able to read. I love to read books.

My 16 years old sister, my father, and my aunt Eileen (my mom’s side) are also poor speller. Eileen's grammar is worse than me. I wonder if it is genetic thing.

I know that I am able to learn more about grammar rules. Soon… I am planning to buy a CD program (lesson, practices, and games) that focus on grammar rules so I could improve. If you know a CD program, please do share!