my sunday cuddle

Hurricane Sandy was CRAZY and NASTY. Not able to get out of house often because of safety. No work for a week. ESDAA volleyball tournament cancelled. ING NYC Marathon cancelled.

The best part... I spent a lot of time with my Maile.

my father

I craved a father who I could confide in. Instead, my father put me down and screwed with my head. So I will never be close to my father.

Thanks to my father, sometimes, I have a hard time trusting men. I am getting better at this, tho. No child deserves abuse!

very true!

"One way to vanquish the past is gratitude for the pleasures of the present day." 

- Rebecca Bailey (Jaycee Dugard's therapist)

one thing at a time

being bald

Sometime I miss being bald. Will I shave my hair off again? No. Being bald was a lot of fun. I glad that I grabbed this opportunity. Yes, there were a lot of peer pressures but I donated my hair to Locks of Love. The truth is... I have no regrets!

a simple cute project

My friend Brooke asked me if I could take few pictures for her. The whole project was her idea. Her three years old daughter Lucy has a best friend named Franny. Franny and her family are moving to Mid-West so Brooke wants to give this family a farewell gift. She printed this picture in 10 X 8 size and framed it. I thought it was a great idea. Twenty months old Porter couldn't do "I love you" sign yet so he held Lucy's arm. Adorable!

fanwood here I come!

I know I told few of you that I am planning to do the VLOG on my decision. I didn’t like it very much because I am not myself in the video. Haha. Many of you know that I got job offered from New York School for the Deaf (Fanwood). This week I decided to accept the offer. I will be a guidance counselor.

It was a huge decision for me. East coast is too far for me to move. I talked with Dr. Wu & Dr. Beach (my former professors) and my former counselor Julie on if I should take the offer. Fortunately, I was able to talk with few people who work at Fanwood. My family told me to grab the chance. I also wrote the pros and cons about this school and town. I couldn’t sleep well for the past week.

Finally, I chose to accept the offer from Fanwood because I am looking for a personal growth. I need to step out of my comfortable zone. I am very satisfied with the salary and benefit. People from Fanwood told me that this town is good place for young people just like me. As a guidance counselor for this school I will focus on career and academic counseling. It will be new experience for me. It will make my resume look good.

I didn’t get guidance counselor position at California School for the Deaf, Fremont. I took it hard at first but I know God is telling me that I belong to somewhere else. I also didn’t get a job in Colorado. I haven’t do interview with two more schools. I am not going to take a risk and decline the offer from Fanwood. I am afraid if I decline and I end up didn’t get job from one of schools. I don’t want to be jobless for another year. Yes, I love Arizona School for the Deaf and Tucson because of my comfortable zone is there. I always can visit Tucson someday.

How do I feel right now? Scared, excited, and unsure. It is the same feelings when I first went to Gallaudet University and started my internship in Arizona last year. Deep in my heart… I know that I will be okay. If I am not happy with this school or my position I always can look for a new job next year.

I want to thank you for your amazing support.

Here’s a video of Fanwood:

http://ideafnews.com/2010/06/13/visiting-new-york-school-for-the-deaf-fanwood/

my learning disability

November 2008

“I started to realize that I had a hard time to spell when I was in Junior High School. My interpreter once told me that I took a learning disability test to find out whether I have one but I never finished it. As I entered at California School for the Deaf, Fremont, I noticed that my spelling had become worsen, but I always found a way to get away from it. As an undergraduate student, I started to realize I couldn’t get away from it, so I had to work harder to pull up my school grades. Some people and teachers believed that I have dyslexia. In my senior year, I realized that I needed to find out what was wrong with me. Recently, last summer I took the exam to check if I actually have it. I was diagnosed Learning Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. Even though, I knew there was something wrong with me but the results hit me hard. I lost my confidence a little bit and I wasn’t happy about this. I was disappointed that a guy, who gave me the exam was not sure what kind of specific learning disability I have and I would still need to take more exams to find out. I actually don’t like the fact that I would have to ask people for help. I always become nervous every time I ask someone to help me spell the word out or correct my paper. Today, I still struggle with my learning disability. I think I’m still struggling because I feel uncomfortable to ask people for some help when I need. There are some times where I feel I wouldn’t become successful because of my learning disability. I will definitely need to be more optimistic to be successful in future but I will need to learn how to find resources for help.”

I always have a hard time to write an entry in my journal and/or update my blog. Sometime I shut myself out and didn’t finish an entry. Sometime I find myself become jealous of some people because they could write very beautiful. I just want to be like them. I know that I think very beautiful like them but I cannot express them into beautiful words.

It has been three years since I was diagnosed as Learning Disorder NOS. I still haven’t 100% accept this yet. I hope I will someday. I never took more tests to find out what kind of learning disability I have. I know my grammar structure is not perfect too so I believe I have writing disorder or dyslexia. I believe that growing with lack of deaf education also affected me. I am very thankful that I am able to read. I love to read books.

My 16 years old sister, my father, and my aunt Eileen (my mom’s side) are also poor speller. Eileen's grammar is worse than me. I wonder if it is genetic thing.

I know that I am able to learn more about grammar rules. Soon… I am planning to buy a CD program (lesson, practices, and games) that focus on grammar rules so I could improve. If you know a CD program, please do share!

i'm a survivor.

I'm a survivor... TWICE. Yes, twice.

oh lala

I am reading my old journal and I found one entry:

June 19, 2000: “Last week… Brooke, Priya, Robert, and Byron visited me. I was so excited to see him. He looks cute with his dyed hair- BLUE!!! Oh lala. He seems shy but I like his personality. We talked on TTY almost everyday. When Byron had to leave, I gave him a big hug and a kiss on his cheek. Two days later, he visited me again with Robert and Brooke. I think I fell in love with Byron. Right now he is at Disneyland. I miss him and talking with him. I hope he is thinking about me and will buy me something. I hope someday I will kiss him for the first time”

This entry made me laugh. At 15 years old, I thought I knew what is love is all about. Oh boy, I was wrong. It is always fun to watch myself grow.